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Saturday, August 20th, 2005
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8:23 pm - ever had the feeling you've lost something very important??
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ive lost the oldest and dearest friend i have ever had, no she's not dead or moved away... just in love.. the girl who always said that friends come before guys always. has now put her guy before her friends and expects us to stand it. im happy for them i really am. but i do not like the person she has become. she has changed. and i dont like it. call me spiteful or selfish but if falling in love causes her to be an obnoxios violent cow then id rather her not be in love.... or not have anyhting to do with her when she is. and she thinks my realtionship is a joke... ive been in my relationship for over a year now and her n him have only ...4 months maybe less to thier names and are engaged already... stupid bints.
current mood:  angry
current music: the temptations ~ my girl
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| Monday, August 15th, 2005
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10:16 pm - This is a true love story.
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Something in the Air
One
Josie had met her match that day. A spiky haired boy she had not seen before this trip who sauntered past her in the blazing Spanish heat. As he past she caught a hint of his scent, something musky, like the smell of sex but more exotic, more coconuty. He caught her eye and stuck his tongue out like a kid. At her smile he grinned and looked away.
Josie was brought back to reality by her best mate Kathryn announcing that she had tokens for the dodgems. When would she grow up? Josie asked herself, although she knew the answer... never. Kathryn was determined to stay thirteen for the rest of her life. Josie launched herself into the nearest car and dragged Kathryn in with her.
“Kat, who’s that?” Josie shrieked over the cheery fairground music trying to point out the spiky haired boy.
“I’m not sure” came the half screamed reply “you think he’s cute don’t you?”
“No Way!” Josie tried to convince Kat, whilst trying to hide the grin that had appeared on her face.
“You do you really really do!” Teased Kat.
The argument was stopped by the sudden halt of the dodgem car as the power was cut.
“Do not” hissed Josie as the spiky haired boy walked past them to collect a dodgem.
“Ok, ok! I’ll believe you” surrendered Kat “he must be in the other half of the year otherwise we would recognise him”
Josie agreed half-heartedly, knowing that if he was from the other half he would have no idea she even existed never mind who she was.
“Hey girlies! I got us some ‘patatas fritas’ if you want them” Laura flashed her big white smile at us as she plonked down on the bench. “So what you girlies been gossiping about?”
“Josie’s got a huge crush on the spiky haired boy over there!” Whispered Kat so that he would not hear, never the less the spiky haired boy glanced over at the three chatting girls from the safety of his crowd.
“Hush up Kat! He might hear you; anyway it’s not a huge crush. I just like him that’s all”
“So you admit it now? I told you, you liked him!”
“Aww bless Josie lurves him” giggled Laura with a mouthful of chips.
“Laura that’s disgusting! Didn’t your mother ever teach you manners?” Remarked Kat.
“She tried but she said I wasn’t a very good student” retaliated Laura, a statement which caused all three girls to erupt into fits of giggles. Suddenly Josie stopped her laughter. “Ask him for me”
“What?” Kat looked puzzled,
“Ask the spiky haired boy out for me.”
“You must be mad! You don’t even know his name”
Laura coughed down a chip. “Ooh! I do, he’s in my art class! He’s Ryan, bit strange if you ask me!”
“I still think your mad Josie! But yeah ok I’ll do it.”
Josie stared solemnly at the ground as Kat and Laura giggled over to Ryan and his group of ‘Other Half’s’. Glancing nervously over her shoulder Josie saw Kat pointing her out to Ryan, looking away quickly so not to catch his eye, she focused her attention on the birds now eating the remains of Laura’s chips. Kat slumped on the bench beside Josie. “Sorry chick, he’s not looking at the moment”
“In fact he didn’t even know who you were.” Declared Laura
“Nice and subtle there Laura!” joked Kat
“Its ok really it is, I never expected him to say yes anyway” Josie mumbled trying not to show her hurt to Kat and Laura.
“Come on lets go back on the dodgems!” enthused Kat. All three girls piled in to the car n sped round the pit. However Josie could not tear her eyes from him. She watched him talk to a girl sitting on the terrace, then she watched them embrace and kiss. A single tear rolled down her face. As they got off the dodgems one of Ryan’s crowd came over and introduced herself as Emma. “Hey mate, I’m sorry but he’s had eyes for Nikki all week and he’s just plucked up the courage to ask her out. Sorry” as he turned and left Josie broke down completely. Nikki is the only person in the world she truly hated. “It could have been anyone with him but why her?” she sobbed, supported by her two closest friends.
Two
Josie watched the years pass, not forgetting the name on her heart, she watched his world from afar, wishing that one day she could be the girl in his arms. There had been many a hope for Josie between Ryan’s girlfriends, however the latest pairing seemed one that would stick, Rachel. Blonde hair and blue eyes. What more could a guy ask for? Having lost contact with Laura, Josie confided in Kat, told her of her love for Ryan and how she longed to be with him but never expected to be. But as months past Josie and Kat’s friendship grew faint and they drifted apart, Josie discovered a strong friendship with Emma and became part of her crowd. Her alliance with Emma had a hidden bonus; it brought her closer to Ryan. Time ticked by and New Years Eve grew close and Josie was invited to a party at Janine’s. Not only was Emma going but Ryan also. Ryan and Emma arrived at the party late, but did not miss out. After drinks and improvised games, they all settled down on the sofas to watch the New Year in comfortably. As it happened Ryan and Josie ended up together on one sofa. As they lay entwined, sparks flew and something ignited deep inside them both. Despite the chemistry nothing happened. And Josie was left just as desolate and alone as before. Rachel and Ryan’s relationship wavered and faulted and slowly diminished. Spending more and more time with Ryan and Emma, Josie discovered that Ryan did in fact have feelings for her. This became very obvious during a meal at a local pizza place. The conversation turned to Top 5’s; they took turns of listing the five people they would most like to date. Josie was Ryan’s number 2, second only to Emma who Ryan said he loved like a sister. Josie’s heart leapt to her throat at this statement. It seemed finally her dreams might come true. But once again her desires were unfulfilled. By the end of the evening Josie had given up any hope of getting with Ryan, and was content in just being this close to him, being able to smell that musky scent she had encountered all those years ago, being able to see all of the colours in his eyes and being able to pretend that she belonged here, beside him. As they hugged their goodbyes Josie could have sworn Ryan lingered around her longer than usual, but shook off the thought as just her mind playing tricks. Kat slowly began to appear in Emma’s group, and Josie’s friendship grew strong once again. Kat and Josie were both involved in a charity event the day before a friend’s 15th birthday party. During this charity event, Josie had an epiphany; she decided to try out for Ryan’s heart once more. The outgoing SMS text message read: “hey Ryan, its Josie, will you go out with me? I don’t expect you to say yes. Jo xx” as she pressed send Josie felt a huge rush of anxiety but a sense of relief knowing that it was done now. She paced the floor so much Kat was convinced she was wearing a hole in it. Time seemed to stand still in the wait for the tell tale “Beep, beep”. As the monotone signal sounded, alerting the room that a message had arrived Josie drew a deep breath and reached for the phone. “Can I sleep on it? Ryan x”. She replied with just one word “yes”. This did nothing for Josie’s nerves; they became more frayed as the hours past. Kat did everything she could to reassure Josie that of course Ryan would say yes, how couldn’t he? But even somewhere within her mind Kat doubted the result would change from the time before. The rest of the charity event became a blur as Josie tried to push Ryan and his answer to the back of her mind. From day break the next day Josie waited for his answer. It didn’t come. Kat arrived in the early evening to get ready for Maria’s birthday party and rallied Josie into high spirits. As they arrived at Maria’s, Josie searched the crowds for him, and found him sitting on the sofa with Emma and Hannah. Unsure whether or not to confront him; she busied herself in introducing herself to people close by. As the night drew on she carried on avoiding him, waiting for him to come to her. But after a few hours she was sick of not knowing and confronted him.
“I’m sorry but I cant, I don’t want to lose the friendship we would have after the relationship” He apologised, unaware of just how much he was hurting her, tearing her up inside.
“Fine its ok, I never expected you to say yes anyway.” Josie left his company on the verge of tears, and after a brisk walk around the block she had regained her confidence and re-entered the party refreshed. She was stood in the hallway at the top of the stairs waiting to get past the congestion into the kitchen when out of the corner of her eye she saw a figure making their way through the crowd, as she turned to look, Ryan pulled her in close and kissed her. Josie was swept away, the crowd and the noise vanished, the only things that existed were Ryan, she, and their kiss. As they broke apart he turned and whispered in her ear, “yes”. How one little can change a person’s life. They fought hand in hand through the sea of people in Maria’s kitchen and found a space on the sofa. She sat in his arms and felt safe, and knew she was home. As they sat there she listened to the music on the stereo.
“Take my hand, we’ll make it. I swear. Whoa, we’re half way there, whoa, living on a prayer”
This is my love story
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